Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I am not a stalker

We have a regular customer who likes to drive around, then return home. He's such a weirdo that I've been paying other drivers to take him. The fee to avoid him: $5. I've mentioned this before. It's sort of a commodities market, invented by yours truly, where the commodity is idiocy.

Last night I was alone on the stand nearest the weirdo's apartment, so there was nobody around to take him off my hands. I picked him up and he wanted to drive around. I usually ignore him completely, not answering his questions unless they're pertinent to the drive, and then only with a nod or a simple yes or no.

But this time I paid attention to him, and sure enough, his drives have purpose. He's stalking somebody he has a crush on. He asked me to drive very slowly down one block, and I watched him look intently at a darkened house. He mumbled to himself, "His truck is there, but no lights are on."

Then he asked to go around the block and drive by again. After we went by the house for the third time, he asked me to stop the car and back up slowly. When I refused, he tried to get angry. "This taxi won't be used to stalk anyone," I explained to him. I told him to pick a destination or we'd return to his apartment. He was mute, so we went back to his place, where he paid me -- with a $2 tip -- without saying a word. Is it any wonder I pay to avoid people like this?

I always wonder if these characters suspect that a lot of haggling goes on, and hard cash exchanged, just to avoid them.

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