The Falcon is retired

My cab partners and I were called in this week for a driver meeting. In my two and a half years driving a taxi, this has never happened. It was scheduled for 15 minutes. We were sure it was for some kind of chewing-out, even though all three of us are fairly good workers -- we don't ding the car or get tickets, we wash the car and change the oil. Still, we were dreading the meeting.

We were given a speech by the owner discussing how there were changes coming to the office end of things. A new effort was being made to get cars serviced faster (and better). An office worker was chosen to be the official liaison between drivers and the mechanic. The worst cars in the fleet will be retired, and some newer (or at least better) cars would be arriving. Part of the reason we have such old, run-down cars (the Falcon wasn't so bad, but some of the others are embarrassing), is that the owner doesn't trust the drivers to maintain or even wash the cars. Why give drivers good cars if we're going to let them go to hell? In the last three months, the fleet suffered three blown engines, and three transmissions went out. At least one of the engines had no oil inside, and that driver was fired. I think I've heard him on the radio since then, which means he begged for his job.

Anyway, the owner is changing his thinking, but it's really only a test. He'll put a few good cars into the fleet to see how drivers take care of them. We were asked for feedback, and we said we liked everything we heard. Moments later, a shiny new cab (200k miles, but in fantastic, almost new condition) rolled into the parking lot. "This is yours," he told us. This new car, No. 92, makes the Falcon look like a turd. I hadn't realized how many things on the Falcon didn't work until I took 92 for a spin. The car is immaculate, inside and out. It was purchased from a Ford dealer as a well-kept, used Crown Vic. It was never a police car, which means the thing rides comfortably, unlike the stiff Falcon, and it has carpeting and lots of great electronic options, like cruise control, power seats, and there are several ways to unlock the car -- remote and keyless entry. We were (and are) thrilled.

The only downside: because of a split-bench front seat, there's no great way to mount the laptop. I'll consider giving up the laptop in the car so I can ride in style and comfort.

So, my partners went home in their civilian cars, and I was handed the keys to 92. After working a shift, I'm still thrilled. The Falcon, by comparison, is a high-performance, uncomfortable beast. The new car is plush, but not much happens when I jam on the gas. It does okay, still with a 4.6 liter V8, but it's no Police Interceptor.

The fate of the Falcon

Right after the meeting, I asked the owner what he was going to do with 95 (the Falcon). Nothing, he said. "Do you want to buy it?" he asked me. Well, now, that's interesting, considering my civilian car has been dead for two years and I'm just dragging my feet before donating it to charity for the tax writeoff. It would be nice to have my own wheels again. I told him I was lean, financially, and it wasn't a good time to entertain a car purchase. "I'll take $500 for it, and you can pay me whenever you get the money. You can have the car now, though." That turned out to mean, whenever he could dig up the title. I plan to take the car off his hands Monday, if his office people can get the paperwork in order.

It would really be something to outfit it in full cop regalia: black paint, light-weight cop wheels with those tiny moon hub cabs, performance tires, heavy duty nerf bars on the front, and dark window tint. I'd never get pulled over again! Cops don't pull over their own. Performance mufflers are a must. I can't stand driving a car that's so quiet I can't tell the RPM with my ears. Same thing with motorcycles, I like feeling as if I'm playing a musical instrument with the throttle.

Even though the Falcon leaks and burns fluids, it has a few nice qualities:

1999 Mustang GT engine last year

4-speed trans rebuilt last year, and re-adjusted this year

"Front end" replaced March of this year (wheel bearings, ball joints, mysterious "links" and stuff)

Dual exhaust with Mustang GT exhaust manifolds

Custom made laptop mount and a Kenwood stereo with a line-in jack

At any rate, the car is unbelievably used, practically worn out. I probably won't make any modifications. When it finally dies, I'll call the junk yard. I'm sure I'll get more than $500 use out of it. It'll be fun bombing around town with 300 or so horsepower without my boss's phone number emblazoned on the car. Anybody who even thinks about doing something stupid on the highway near me is going to get honked at and flipped off. I've been dreaming about that for two long years.

Sunday

It has been an interesting day. At 2:00 p.m. I went out to the street in front of my house and my cab was not there, as it should have been. I called Andrew, the morning driver, and he didn't answer his phone. So I called HQ, and they said the Millennium Falcon lost its brakes this morning, and there are no more cars available.


The Falcon

Apparently three cars broke down this morning, with mine being the last. Since there are only three cars in reserve, we are out of luck.

I decided to take today and tomorrow off, instead of Mon and Tues.

The unsettling part of all this is that I notified HQ in writing more than three weeks ago that there is a problem with the car. I also called the owner and spoke with him in person to discuss the problem. Plus, Tom, our third driver, discussed the problem with Fred, the mechanic.

We made three attempts to get the car fixed; in person, on the phone, and in writing. And the problem didn't get fixed, leaving Andrew to suffer a brake failure while driving.

Since my civilian vehicle is down, as well, I had to call a cab to go downtown for coffee and to buy some books and things. I called Silver Cab, and waited 45 minutes before calling them back to ask where my cab might be. They said the dispatcher forgot to send for a car. It was a full hour before I got my cab.

When the driver arrived, he tried to complain to me that I should have instructed the dispatcher on how to get to my house, because it's difficult to find. His car smelled strongly of body odor, and it was filthy inside and out.

Never again will I use Silver Cab.

I had a nice lunch and then some coffee at a downtown Starbucks on 5th and F. There are five Starbucks in the Gaslamp Quarter; it's a plague of biblical proportions. After that I bought the "AP Manual of Style" at Borders book store on 6th and F. I will try to clean up my writing. I already have "The Economist Style Manual".


Starbucks, looking west

I tried to find "Bombardiers", a fiction book I read many years ago. Borders didn't have it, unfortunately. They did have about 7,000 small children running around, yelling and running into people like it was Disneyland. I don't dislike children, I just dislike being near them.

"Bombardiers" was written by Po Bronson, who turned his experience as a stock broker into a novel -- and it's fantastic, by the way. It's almost as funny as "A Confederacy of Dunces".

I've been considering turning my taxi experience into a novel (don't laugh; sillier things have been done), but I can't think of good ideas for structuring the thing. Perhaps I can get some ideas from Bronson.

I flagged an independent yellow cab on 5th Ave for the return trip home. It was called Curtis Cab, and it was a pristine Mercury Marquis with leather seats and all the options -- cruise control, electronic dash, electronic compass built into the rear view mirror, electric seats, etc. It makes the Millennium Falcon look like a relic from the Bronze Age.

The driver -- I forget his name -- said the owner bought it in 2000, with 35,000 miles, for $3,000. That's a steal. Since then they have had two flat tires with it. That's it. It now has 145,000 miles.

I had him stop at 7-11 so I could buy a 2-liter bottle of Coca Cola, a sixer of Sam Adams Summer Ale, two packs of Marlboros, and a bag of ice. With two days off in a row and some spectacular things waiting for me on DVR, I'll need all that stuff to make it through.

On the DVR: Formula 1 race from Bahrain, the American LeMans from Long Beach, NASCAR from Texas, the GP2 race from Bahrain, and the ChampCar series from Long Beach.

The Millennium Falcon

UPDATE 9-9-2007: The Falcon is retired, and I'm now driving a 1995 Ford Crown Victoria LX. It was never a police car. I purchased the Falcon and am now driving it as a personal car.


She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.

I drive a 1994 Ford Crown Victoria, Police Interceptor edition, with a 1999 Mustang GT engine under the hood. I call it the Millennium Falcon because, like Han Solo's space ship, "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid." There are no smuggling compartments, but smuggling does play a role in driving a cab.

Cab companies use the Crown Vic for some of the same reasons police do -- they're big, comfortable, and have plenty of power. And they're durable and easy to work on.

It's an old style American car in every sense -- it has a frame, as opposed to unitized construction, it's rear drive -- the way cars should be, and it's very large with an automatic transmission, shift on the column.

After the original Crown Vic engine blew up last year, our mechanic installed the Mustang engine. Competition for used engines is fierce, considering police and cabs are always looking for them, so sometimes it's easier to pay a little more for a Mustang than wait for a Crown Vic engine to show up on the market. He said it bolts right in, considering the GT and Crown Vic use mostly the same drive train. The only change he had to make were the exhaust manifolds -- the GT manifolds are larger and give the car a little bit more oomph.

The mechanic, Fred, did such a nice job with the new motor, I gave him $40 and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black as a tip.

The power difference between the new and old engine was absurd. I hadn't realized how downtrodden the old powerplant was. I had been taking it out of overdrive when driving up hills. The new engine doesn't need any help.

Shortly after I got the replacement engine, the transmission let go. The company had an outside shop rebuild it for $900.

In addition to the engine and transmission, I've had many other fixes in the almost two years I've had it: fuel tank, battery, ignition switch, key assembly, starter, etc. Considering the car has been driven almost around the clock for more than 12 years, I have no complaints.

The Falcon is a Police Interceptor edition, having been purchased many years ago from a police auction. The package includes anti-roll bars, heavy duty brakes, an engine oil cooler and transmission oil cooler, positraction differential, shift-kit for the trans, dual exhaust, plus a few other goodies to make it haul ass. The days of the old Checkered Cabs are long gone. I'm usually the fastest thing around.

The '99 GT engine is 4.6-liters, just like the Crown Vic, and has 260 horsepower and 302 pounds/feet of torque. The original engine had 230hp with 260 torque. The specs for a 1999 GT are 0-60 in 5.4 seconds and 1/4 mile in 14.1 seconds. The GT weighs 3243 lbs., while the Crown Vic is 3780. So, the cab would be a little slower than the GT.

The drawbacks? Eighteen miles per gallon on a good day. That's very bad, considering I have to pay for my own gasoline. So I usually drive it gently for the best mileage. In fact, the only challenge to driving a taxi, in my mind, is finding the fastest route, moving through traffic quickly, all the while burning as little fuel as possible.

The Falcon is what cabbies (in San Diego, at any rate) call a 10% car, meaning the fuel bill is 10% of the meter take. Presently (March 2007) gasoline is back above $3/gallon, so it's probably a 12-14% car right now.

I'm conducting an interesting social experiment with Tom and Andrew, the guys who split the morning shift in my car. I never told them the speedometer reads 7mph fast. Generally, they're driving slower than they realize, probably under the speed limit. After two months of driving with them, Andrew said, "Ted, this car is better than 10%. It's great!" Now why would I spoil it for him? Let's let him think he's got the world by the balls. Fewer speeding tickets, too. I should get a medal.

I keep all the required safety gear in the trunk -- fire extinguisher, hazard triangles, first aid kit, and a full size spare tire. I also have along a modest set of tools, spare fluids, and a flashlight.

I swapped the idiotic scissor jack for a good floor jack. You would not believe how many flat tires I get. When you drive for many hours, day in and day out, tires get chewed up. You drive over curbs occasionally, and nails, and small children all manner of debris. I can change a tire almost as fast as a Formula 1 team.

The Falcon is more than a car. It's my office.