Inside story on Scooter

Scooter is a regular customer; all of us drivers know him and like him, and not just because he gives $20 for a $7 fare. He's a hardcore alcoholic, and he's an entertaining drunk. Also, he drinks on the job (see this post).

Two days ago I got belled to the lawn and patio store where Scooter works, and picked up his co-worker, who I've driven before, but only a few times. Not surprisingly, he was drunk. They must have an employee bar at that place. For obvious reasons I'm not going to name the store.

Anyhow, the guy said his name was Tony, who is Scooter's friend and co-worker (and fellow boozehound). As I brought him to a hotel where he said his mother was staying, I asked Tony about something Scooter told me the last time I drove him -- he claimed he's a great golfer.

"Oh, yeah," said Tony, "he's excellent. If it wasn't for his arthritis, he might be a pro." Hmmm. Maybe it's true, and maybe not. What he said next had me laughing hysterically.

Tony: Scooter is Phase III right now.

Me: Phase III?

Tony: He's wasted, but he can still speak.

Me: That's 'Phase III'?

Tony: Phase V is when you get him at 2 (bar close time). He only gives $20 when he's Phase V.

Me: Phase IV is something in between?

They actually have a naming system for their level of drunkenness. Too funny. Also, Scooter has a favorite "last bar", and we drivers often learn that he's in there near bar close. If I pick up at that bar (which I'd like to remain anonymous), I might ask the customer if Scooter is inside. If he is, I'll try arrange it so I'm first on the cab stand near that bar, or parked in front, around 2 a.m. I like to get that $20. I could take a chance on a random stand, or make a play for the near-certain $20.