Friday, December 14, 2007

Fear and loathing

Forgive my theft of Hunter S. Thompson. Several drivers and I were on stand last night with nothing to do. We've been breaking even most nights -- just covering the lease and fuel, making ZERO for ourselves. Last night I walked away from the discussion at about 2:30 a.m. after the bar rush turned out to be a dud, again. It was late, dark, and no cars had driven by in half an hour. I took a leak. I rarely do this. I'm still civilized, meaning I use a public restroom. However, nature dictated that I couldn't make it, and since nobody was round, I didn't think it was a big deal. It's nice to be a guy some times!

When I mosied back to the cars and the drivers standing around, one laughed at what I had just done. He's a newer driver. That launched a discussion about one of our greatest fears, as cabbies. We've noticed that most of our older drivers, the guys who have been driving for 10 years or more, are all oddballs. They're either psychopathically antisocial, or they're so mean you can't get near them, or they have some other psychological problem. The fear is that the job might make people like that, and will it happen to us? The other angle is that perhaps the weirdos end up as cabbies, as there are few other jobs a freak can do. Since we are all fairly normal right now, does that mean our future is doomed? Who knows for sure?

My pissing in the bushes brought on an interesting case study. We know of one driver who regularly takes a leak right outside his car, at night, when nobody is around. That's much worse than me (I went to the bushes and hid). Then somebody mentioned Catheter Cab, who keeps a milk carton in his car. He doesn't even get out! Then there's Carey, who I saw take a leak in a bush at high noon with people walking on the sidewalk. He told me to whistle if anybody walks towards him.

The length of service (years of driving) goes up with each of these drivers. I've been driving less than two years. The guy who goes right outside his car has about five years. Carey has about 10 years, and Catheter Cab is over 10 years. The pattern is clear. The drivers concluded that when you hit twenty years of driving cab, you'll probably be wearing some kind of adult diaper. Depends or something like that. The future is bleak.


Bob said...

wow you have got me worried now I have been a cabbie for six years now. It looks like it's all downhill from now on.

Brent McD. said...

lol, this is one of your funnier posts. good luck maintaining your sanity....

Cabbie X said...

Damn, I'm starting year 9! Wonder what dysfunction I'll develop?

Anonymous said...

Bob & Cabbie X,

You guys are in serious trouble. Get out while you still can!

Thank you, Brent.

--Ted Martin