Accusations and hysterics

I was accused of theft last night. Here's the scenario: A female customer with two friends asked to be driven to a hotel. It was a $14 ride, and I got her there with no trouble. She held out a credit card.

Me: I'm sorry, I don't take credit cards. I'm cash only.

Her: You do take credit cards.

Me: No, I don't.

Her: That's not true. You're lying to rip off your company (she was angry and serious). I rode in one of these cabs this morning and he took my credit card, so don't give me this crap about not taking credit cards.

Me: It's cash, or I'm calling the police.

Her: How dare you!

Me: What's is gonna be?

Her, hysterical: I want your name! I want your cab number! I want your employee number!

So often the qualities of meanness and stupidity are manifest in the same individual. I've seen it countless times. So I handed her my cab permit, which has everything except an employee number. As a 1099 independent contractor, I'm not an employee, and thus no number. She refused to believe that, too. She eventually gave me $20 and said to keep the change, and demanded a receipt, which I gave her. She said she would be calling the cab company to expose my theft "forthwith". I cheerfully suggested, "You do that, honey."

I went away feeling great, especially because Louie was working dispatch and would be answering the phone when she called. Louie is actually a woman, but she's so mean we call her Louie, after the Danny DeVito character on the old show, Taxi. I've actually never met a woman quite like her, but that's a story for another day. Louie never needs a reason to rip somebody's head off, and when this uppity customer called, there is no doubt Louie let her have it.