Mr. Clean renamed 'Catheter Cab'

We've been calling our dirtiest driver Mr. Clean. Tonight a driver called him 'Catheter Cab'. I'll get to the why of that in a moment.

This guy is so filthy, he used to live in his cab for his entire work week (four days). He leased a van, solo, so he was saving some money. Hotels have called the cab company to complain about the smell emanating from van.

After the last complaint we were all ordered to report to HQ so an office worker could come out with a clipboard and put a nose in an open window. If you passed the sniff test, they put a check mark on the paper. I passed, of course, but it was humiliating to be lumped in with the half-tame animals that comprise half of our numbers.

Fred, chief mechanic, was working on his van once and found chicken wings under the seats.

A while back Mr. Clean was officially reprimanded, so he got two toilet deodorizers -- the industrial strength ones -- and put them in his cab. That was worse than his body odor. I'm sure he swiped them from a hotel bathroom.

Finally he was ordered to clean up or he was fired. He goes home every night now, and he has a new cab partner. The new partner told me he found a milk carton sitting between the seats one day when he was picking up the van. He made the mistake of smelling it -- urine.

That earned him the new name: Catheter Cab.